by Author, Randi G. Fine
I have discussed this thought in previous articles, but this time I will state it in the form of an affirmation: “There is a reason of greater good for everything that happens.”
Acknowledging that there is a greater good does not necessarily soften the impact or subdue the suffering, but it does give meaning to our pain and offers us the prospect of a positive outcome; of recovery. It also serves to open our eyes, look for the deeper meaning, and recognize the signs of change as they appear.
We have all experienced victimization in our lives. That does not mean we have to live with a victim mentality; choose to live life wallowing in our own misery and blaming others. When we can trust that our pain will ultimately be beneficial in some way, the victim mentality, which is self-defeating behavior, is obliterated. Affirmations are very helpful in changing our outlook.
Though it is beneficial to think positively, we must remember that we are human beings with emotions. If we move through painful challenges by blocking our true feelings, never dealing with them and pretending we are fine, the hurt builds up inside and eventually wreaks havoc on us. Recovery becomes impossible. Our feelings should always be acknowledged and our pain should be felt and accepted. It is okay to feel sad when we are sad. Dwelling on our suffering and blaming circumstance is entirely different. That is self-defeating.
So when you are sad after life throws you one of its curve balls, indulge yourself. Allow your suffering for the fixed duration of your choosing; preferably no longer than two days. Let me make it clear that none of this applies when grieving the loss of a loved one. One cannot and should not put a time limit on the natural stages of the grief recovery process.
Begin planning your pity party by deciding how many days you will immerse yourself in misery. You are sad, so feel sad. Stock up on Ben and Jerry’s and/or whatever other comfort foods you desire. Put on your most comfortable clothes–you know, the ones you would not be caught dead wearing in public. Choose wisely–you will be wearing these clothes and sleeping in them non-stop during this time span. Close the shades, crawl under the covers, and cry to your heart’s content. Punch a pillow as often as needed.
When your pity party time is up, be entirely resolved to get back to productive living. Take steps to gradually move forward in your life. Allow set-backs and be kind to yourself when they happen. Seek therapy if needed. Repeat the affirmation “There is a reason of greater good for everything that happens,” and believe it.
One thing we can always count on…everything in life changes.