Life Awakening

AWAKEN FROM LIFE is about discovering who you are and about defining your true self so you can seize the helm of your life! This book is changing lives. Let it change yours!

free glitter text and family website at FamilyLobby.com

☼☼ NOW AVAILABLE IN PAPERBACK OR AS AN EBOOK!☼☼ ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼ GET YOUR COPY TODAY! ☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼☼

FOR MORE DETAILS AND INFORMATION ABOUT ORDERING

“AWAKEN FROM  LIFE”

JUST CLICK ON THE BOOK



Posted in Books, Inspirational, Life, Personal Growth, Personal Success | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Story of Hope Love Destiny

If you like inspirational memoirs about the power of hope, or just want to read a candid expose of my previously misaligned life, FINE…LY: My Story of Hope, Love, and Destiny is the book for you!! It’s a page turner!!

Available in Paperback or as an E-Book

free glitter text and family website at FamilyLobby.com

This memoir written by a woman author tells a compelling, impactful true life story about hope and love, and how she found her destiny. An excellent book for women!



Posted in Books, Inspirational, Memoir Finely, Personal Growth | Tagged , , , , | 5 Comments

Inspiring Authors Message

Author, Randi G. Fine 

Living Life to the Fullest

Inspirational Author’s Message

The most difficult people in our lives end up being our greatest teachers.   The hurdles they place before us and the challenges they present to us are only lessons that we must learn for our greater good.   Think of the oyster…without the irritating grain of sand there would be no pearl. ~ Randi G. Fine

We all experience times of joy and times of suffering as we move through our lives. Life is a breeze during the happy times; we get to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. But we must ask ourselves how good joy would feel if we had no adversity to contrast it? The phrase, “nobody said life was easy,” was coined with good reason. The truth is, life is hard work…but the beauty of life is that it has many facets.  We are constantly challenged to learn and grow.  And as we rise to those challenges we become stronger, wiser and better human beings. The universe holds all the answers we will ever need. It’s all there for the taking if we watch, listen, and trust our intuition. I invite you to follow me on my journey as I explore the many paths to happiness, and the many avenues that will lead us to living life to the fullest. I wish you serenity and joy in your life. ~ Randi


Posted in Inspirational, Life, Quotes | Tagged , , , , | 3 Comments

Childhood Narcissistic Abuse Quote

Image Source
npd-abuse26Self-love, self-respect, and self-validation are inner experiences that childhood narcissistic abuse victims never develop. As adults they require reinforcement from others that they are lovable, worthy, intelligent, and sane. They need to be reassured that the decisions they make are right and that they are not misinterpreting things. ~ Randi G. Fine

Posted in Child Abuse, Narcissistic Personality Disorder | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Limiting Beliefs Held by Narcissistic Abuse Victims

Image Source

affirmation591Changing Your Inner Dialogue

Excerpt from Randi Fine’s Upcoming Book, Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivors Guide to Healing

Each of us has a subconscious inner voice, called an “inner dialogue,” that strongly influences our life.  Since it has always been such a consistent part of our waking lives, most of us do not even realize it is there.

Our inner dialogue controls everything we do. It shapes our perception, makes decisions for us, cautions us, forms our values and opinions, tells us who we are and what we like, monitors our behavior, evaluates situations, and makes judgments.

When our inner dialogue is positive, it empowers us. When our inner dialogue is negative it discourages us. Negative dialogue forms limiting beliefs.

Limiting beliefs can come from powerful outside influences such as parents, religions, families, educators, culture, media, and society. They can also develop on their own after repeated exposure to stimuli, or as a result of trauma or abuse.

Limiting beliefs sabotage our lives. They tell us untruths and lies, make us feel bad about ourselves, impede our success, and cause us to repeat unhealthy patterns. They even govern our moods and reactions.

Years of degradation, manipulation and brainwashing by your narcissistic abuser has infused your mind with many limiting beliefs. You will be surprised at how many of the following you can claim as your own:

  • I do not deserve: happiness, success, love, recognition, success, money, relationships, friendships with quality people
  • I do not: trust myself, know what I want, feel worthy, have self-control, like or love myself, matter
  • I am not: good enough, smart enough, worthy enough, thoughtful enough, motivated enough, competent enough, rich enough, outgoing enough, thin enough, pretty enough, skilled enough, important enough
  • I cannot: do it as well as others can, reach goals, make money, survive on my own, start a business, get a degree, change who I am, change how I think
  • I should not: think of myself first, love or like myself, feel good about myself, feel angry, ask for what I want, expect others to come through for me, trust anyone, let my guard down
  • I should be: more successful than I am, farther along in life than I am, more educated, more social, a better person
  • Nobody: listens to me, cares about me, wants me, believes in me, likes me, accepts me
  • No one will like or love me if: I am not perfect, I am not successful, I am not a pleaser, they get to know me, I speak honestly, I am not beautiful, I don’t earn their approval
  • Everyone else: judges me, is better than me, rejects me, hates me, thinks I am stupid
  • I always: make mistakes, procrastinate, say stupid things, anger people, quit things, frustrate people, feel guilty, look foolish
  • I am: a quitter, a weirdo, lazy, an unlovable person, an unlikable person, a failure, responsible for others’ happiness
  • It is my job to: smooth things over, make others happy, make others feel better, apologize, keep the peace
  • There’s no point in: getting my hopes up, trying at all, trying again, being honest, having goals, asking for what I want, showing people who I really am
  • Happiness is: a myth, unattainable, for others
  • I must suffer to: show how much I care, get attention, make up for bad things I’ve done, prove my point
  • I must be fearful of: other people, life, relationships, men, women

Reread the above list and highlight all the limiting beliefs that apply to you. Explore each one by asking yourself the following questions:

  1. Why do I have the limiting belief?
  2. Is the belief true or false?
  3. Is the belief relevant to my life now?
  4. Am I willing to let the belief go?

Before you can change your subconscious inner dialogue you must bring it to your conscious mind and then challenge it. That involves monitoring your thoughts, emotions, actions and reactions to see what triggers you and what non-productive patterns you are stuck in.

Limiting beliefs change when they are replaced by positive dialogue. You can reprogram your mind through the use of positive affirmations such as:

  • I deserve to love and be loved
  • I love and accept myself totally and completely
  • I choose happiness and peace in my life
  • I am whole, healthy and complete
  • I am worthy of success
  • I deserve to live a life of abundance
  • I am the only one in charge of my life
  • I am a beautiful person inside and out
  • I am a survivor
  • I am worthy of all the good things in life
  • I can face any challenge

These are just suggestions. You can create your own affirmations or find other ones that resonate with you.

Repeat your affirmations often. Say them to yourself in the mirror. Post them in places where you spend a lot of time. Especially use them whenever you catch yourself having limiting beliefs. The more often and regularly you repeat your affirmations, the faster your inner dialogue will change and the better you will feel about yourself.

Copyrighted material. May share with proper attribution but may not be reproduced.

fine life issues counseling2

Posted in Narcissistic Personality Disorder | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Thanksgiving Gratitude Message 2016

affirmation591

A Message of Gratitude on Thanksgiving

Randi G. Fine

Thanksgiving is a day that comes once every year to remind us to be grateful for all the blessings in our lives. It is a day for positive reflection, forgiveness and gratitude.

As we reflect, let us remember loved ones who are no longer with us, allowing gratitude to fill our hearts for the gift of having had these beautiful souls in our lives. Let us not focus on the loss of what we no longer have in the physical sense, but on the generous gift we were blessed with that profoundly touched our lives. Know that they are always with us in spirit. Thank them for the outpouring of eternal love and protection they surround us with every moment of every day.

Let us remember to give thanks on Thanksgiving to our many guides in the spirit world who love us more than we will ever know – who support us through challenging times and joyfully applaud all our successes.

On this Thanksgiving holiday, let us take a vacation from feelings of malice, judgment, blame, hatred, resentment and victimization – feelings that poison our souls and harden our hearts. Let us free our spirits – open them up to give thanks for our survival, recovery, and everything that brought us forth to this day.

As we celebrate Thanksgiving this year, let us be grateful for those who love us, see past our shortcomings, and accept us for who we are. Let us accept ourselves, forgive ourselves and be grateful for the person we are. And let us extend the same appreciation, forgiveness and acceptance to others.

On this Thanksgiving holiday I would like to extend my heartfelt gratitude to all of you, my dearest readers, followers, and listeners, for allowing me to share the things that are most important to me.  I am deeply inspired by all of you.

Wishing you a warm, lovely Thanksgiving day, however you wish to spend it. May your blessings from this day forward be bountiful.

Happy Thanksgiving

With Love and Gratitude,

signature

 

Previous Thanksgiving Posts:

Thanksgiving Message
Thanksgiving Blessing
Thanksgiving a Time to Be Grateful

More Gratitude Posts:

Rumi Gratitude Poem
Grateful Outlook Attracts Universal Generosity
Gratitude Picture Quote
Gratitude Picture Quote
Grateful Picture Quote
Thankfulness Message
Gratitude Message
Beautiful Life Picture Quote
Posted in Gratitude, Quotes, Thanksgiving | Tagged , , , , | 4 Comments

Narcissistic Parents Picture Quote

Image Source

npd-abuse29Narcissistic parents believe they own their children. Whatever they do for the child is considered a sacrifice, so the child always has a debt to pay. Whatever the child achieves is owned by the parent too. Perhaps it was the parent’s constant nagging or urging that got the child there, or maybe it was the parent’s genes or talents that made the success possible. And the achievements only matter if they please the parent or give him something to brag about. It is always all about them.

~Randi G Fine, Close Encounters of the Worst Kind

Posted in Narcissistic Personality Disorder | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Veterans Day 2016

Image Source

veterans-day4On Veteran’s Day 2016

Thank you to all Veterans past and present who have selflessly served our country and protected our freedom.

Today, on Veteran’s Day 2016, we celebrate you!

America’s Flag

Written by William E. Kenyon, Brimfield, MA

Fifty stars for fifty states

Of which we can be proud

Thirteen stripes, of red and white

Our flag doth cry aloud

Do not threaten me it cries

I am the symbol of a country great

We will not run, we will not hide

We are the United States

We are a country of freedoms

We will fight, we will not bend

Our men and women proudly serve

Till all wars are at an end

Do not try to frighten us

You cannot break down our door

You cannot kill tradition

Other countries have tried before

As I wave I give this warning

We are a country that stands tall

I am a flag that stands for freedom

I am the flag that will not fall

God Bless our Troops and God Bless America!

Posted in Veterans Day | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

How to Deal with Narcissistic Parents

Image Source

angry-old-ladyStrategies for Dealing with Narcissistic Parents

Excerpt from Randi Fine’s Upcoming Book, Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivors Guide to Healing

As an adult child dealing with narcissistic parents, normal rules do not apply. Confrontations do not work, reasoning does not work, standing up to them does not work, and family counseling does not work. Your feelings will never be validated. Your parent will never admit he has done anything to hurt you or has ever done anything wrong, period.

If your parents are anything like mine they will deflect what they did by throwing the blame back on you. My parents have told my sisters and me more times than I can count that they went through hell raising us. The truth is that we went through hell being raised, but they will never see it that way.

If your non-narcissistic parent is an enabler you cannot count on her to help you. She will probably defend her partner to the death, even if it means sacrificing her relationship with you. If she doesn’t defend him she will make excuses for him.

That leaves you with only two options for dealing with your parents: measured contact or no contact/total estrangement. In either case you will need to enforce ironclad boundaries.

The decision whether or not to stay in contact becomes difficult when your narcissistic abuser is a sick, infirm or aged parent. That is a very personal choice that you will have to weigh.

No matter the case, no one can tell you what is best for you. Your decision should come after careful consideration.

Measured contact with your narcissistic parent:

Measured contact means having controlled, limited interactions with the narcissistic parent. All of the tips and strategies I have given you for dealing with a narcissist are applicable to dealing with a narcissistic parent. Boundaries must be set up and enforced so tightly that the narcissistic parent is afraid to cross the line. Refer to Chapter Thirty if you need additional help setting your boundaries.

Setting boundaries with a narcissistic parent who does not want them (none of them do) is difficult, but it can be done. Be prepared; it requires toughness and tenacity on your end to pull it off. When you first try to set boundaries with your parent, expect that he will fight ferociously to prevent you from doing it.

It is not a mean or vindictive thing to establish boundaries with your parents. It is the fair and right thing to do in every relationship you will ever have. The fact that your parents do not wish to be fair in their treatment of you should not be deterrence.

Once boundaries are established your parent will continually test them, just as a child tests limits, to see how far he can go. If you keep enforcing the consequences you have clearly laid out, he will eventually comply or back off entirely.

You will never be able to relax your boundaries with your abusive parent. No matter how much time passes, or how long he has been on his best behavior, beware—he will always be looking for a way back in.

The only exception to that rule is if your parent develops senile dementia or another disease that affects his memory. Some adult children finally have the lovely relationships they have always desired with their narcissistic parents, once their parents lose their memory. But I wouldn’t count on that happening.

The following are tips to help you navigate a measured contact relationship with your narcissistic parent:

  • Narcissists learn best by reward and punishment, just as children do. Set up clear guidelines for what you will and will not tolerate, advise your parent what those guidelines are, and then be a strict enforcer.
  • All measured contact interactions should be strictly on your terms. You control if they will occur, where they will occur, and how long they will occur. The less time spent with your parent, the easier it is to control the outcome.
  • Do not let your narcissistic parent rely solely on you. Enlist others to help you. Your parent will probably tell you he has no one else, or that no one can replace you, but that is only to manipulate you and keep you around for narcissistic supply. Relieve yourself of the responsibility of being his one and only, and then watch how fast he replaces you. You will be amazed.
  • When interacting with your narcissistic parent, do not confront or criticize him. Agree with everything he says and any advice he gives without voicing an opinion or displaying emotion. When you leave, do as you please.
  • Any information you share with your parent should be given on a need-to-know basis. Your narcissistic parent may tell you everything, but you do not have to tell him everything. Keep it generic.
  • No matter what he says, do not let him see you react. If he is trying to provoke you and you feel like you might react, just say goodbye, and depending on the situation either hang up the phone or get up and leave.

No contact with your narcissistic parent:

If your parent will not stop the manipulation and abuse no matter what strategies you use or boundaries you set, and every interaction with him is toxic and stressful for you, it is probably best to separate yourself from him entirely. No one should have to put up with ongoing abuse.

Total estrangement means no contact at all. Having no contact may involve:

  • Informing your parent that you wish to have no contact with him
  • Informing friends and family that you have severed contact with your parent
  • Changing your telephone number(s) or blocking your parent’s number(s)
  • Not listening to any voice mails or reading any texts from your parent
  • Not engaging in any conversations with your parent; no phone calls, no emails, no texts
  • Changing your email address, blocking your parent from accessing it, or directing all his emails to spam
  • Asking mutual friends and relatives not to share information about your parent with you, unless it is an emergency situation that you should be notified about
  • Asking mutual friends and relatives not to share information about you with your parent
  • Blocking your parent’s access to your social networking sites
  • Storing away any photos or memorabilia that remind you of your parent

When there are grandchildren:

When grandchildren are involved, if at all possible it is best not to restrict your parent’s access to them, unless your children are being manipulated or abused. Your children deserve to have a relationship with their grandparents as long as it is a positive one.

That said, if you were sexually abused by a parent, or suspect you were, do not allow that parent access to your child without supervision. Your enabling parent is not an adequate supervisor—he or she did not protect you.

In most cases parents who were emotionally abusive to their children will not be emotionally abusive to their grandchildren, though one can never be sure. When your children are young it is best to monitor what goes on. If you suspect there is a problem, stop the visits.

The best defense your children can have against any type of abuse or manipulation is a strong boundary system. Start teaching them boundaries as soon as they can speak. Give them age appropriate privacy, independence, and respect, and require they give the same back to you. Be a good example for your children. Have your own healthy boundary system in place. Your children will do exactly as you do.

Some tips:

  • Ask your children specific questions about their visits. Make sure boundaries are not being crossed and that there is no inappropriate abuse going on.
  • Never say derogatory things about your parents to your children, and make sure your parents are not saying derogatory things about you to them.
  • Support your young children’s relationship with their grandparents by sending greeting cards for special occasions with the children’s names on them.
  • If it makes you feel more comfortable, ask someone you trust to transfer your children to and from their grandparents’ home. When they are mature enough, let them negotiate the relationship logistics (transportation, telephone calls, greeting cards, etc.)
  • All your children should be treated equally. Assigning grandchildren roles as they did their own children is abusive. Favoritism is abusive. If it is happening, stop allowing your children to spend time alone with their grandparents.
  • If young children ask why you don’t have a relationship with their grandparents, tell them that some things happened that made you not want to be around them, but that it has nothing to do with their grandchild/grandparent relationship. When they are older you can explain more, but never badmouth your parents to your children.

This is copyrighted material. May be shared with proper attribution but may not be reproduced.

Posted in Narcissistic Personality Disorder | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

How to Emotionally Disarm the Narcissist

Image Source

mindEmotionally Disarming the Narcissist

Today’s amazing guest Vincent Guastamacchia, former NYC hostage negotiator specializing in crimes by narcissists, talks about how to emotionally disarm the narcissist. Very intriguing and useful information!!

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/randi-fine/2016/10/25/the-criminal-side-of-narcissists-with-hostage-negotiator-vincent-guastamacchia
Posted in Narcissistic Personality Disorder | Leave a comment

Free On Air Palm Readings November 8th

Myrna Lou Goldbaum. Master Palmist

myrna-lou-goldbaum1

If you would like to have your palm read free on my November 8th podcast by Master Palmist and Soulmate Specialist Myrna Lou Goldbaum, please scan your dominant hand and email it to finerandi@hotmail.com. I can only take 4, so first come first serve. You will be able to listen to the show live or to the recorded version afterwards to hear your reading.

Posted in Internet Radio Show | Leave a comment

Letting Go Picture Quote

letting-go

Letting Go of Past and Moving On Quote

Letting go does not mean becoming emotionless in regard to the memories of a painful or traumatic event. Letting go means giving up the suffering that you associate with the memories from a painful or traumatic event.   ~Randi G. Fine~

Posted in Healing, Pain, Quotes | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

Narcissistic Abuse Related Weight Issues and Eating Disorders

Image Source

eating-disorder

Weight Issues and Eating Disorders Related to Narcissistic Abuse

Excerpt from Randi Fine’s Upcoming Book, Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivors Guide to Healing

I have been asked by many to include a chapter explaining the relationship between narcissistic abuse and weight/eating-related disorders. I invested some time researching the topic so I could address those concerns. These types of disorders are complex, but I will do my best to give you some answers.

Many theories underlying the causes of these food related disorders exist, though there doesn’t seem to be one explanation that applies in every case. Most experts do agree that low self-esteem and feelings of helplessness are common denominators. Little has been written correlating weight/eating related disorders directly with narcissistic abuse, but the low self-esteem/feeling of helplessness connection seems fitting.

Studies show that trauma, of which narcissistic victims suffer a great deal, may predispose people to these types of disorders. According to the National Eating Disorders Association, it is estimated that around 30 percent of eating disorder sufferers have been the victim of trauma (emotional abuse, physical abuse, neglect and/or sexual abuse) in their lives. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention report that more than six million obese and morbidly obese people are likely to have suffered physical, emotional, sexual or verbal abuse during their childhoods.

Child abuse issues that have been identified as contributing to eating disorders are:

  • Abandonment
  • Chaotic and/or angry family environment
  • Emotionally or physically absent parents
  • Unrealistic parental expectations
  • Over-protectiveness
  • Extreme parental rigidity
  • Forced suppression of feelings or emotions
  • Overvaluing or undervaluing physical appearance
  • Teasing and/or criticism
  • Deprivation of love, affection, approval and acceptance

This problem is not exclusive to sufferers of narcissistic child abuse. Abuse by partners, spouses, friends, co-workers, bosses, or siblings can also cause symptoms, behaviors and mental states known to foster eating issues such as:

  • Depression
  • Feelings of inadequacy
  • Unrealistic expectations of self
  • Feeling defective and worthless
  • Poor or no self-identity
  • Fear of criticism
  • Anger
  • Powerlessness
  • Hopelessness
  • Inability to express emotions, detachment
  • Black and white thinking
  • Approval seeking
  • Emotional regulation problems
  • Body image or appearance issues
  • Guilt
  • Self-blame
  • Shame
  • Anxiety
  • Poor coping mechanisms
  • Lacking control over life
  • Feeling unloved and unaccepted

Narcissistically abused victims may resort to food manipulation for a variety of reasons.

  • Since certain foods activate brain chemicals that produce calm and euphoric feelings, they can be used as “drugs” to calm anxiety, numb pain and alleviate depression. Victims become trapped in a vicious cycle of addiction eating to temporarily feel better, followed by the emotional let-down or shame of over-eating that compels the person to eat again.
  • Excessive or compulsive eating can be a way for abuse victims to fill the emptiness they feel inside. They “stuff” themselves to fill a void.
  • Food may be considered the person’s only friend; one who does not make her feel bad, hurt or betray her.
  • Abuse victims may inflict punishment on themselves through the deprivation of food or the over-eating of it, believing that they don’t deserve anything good in their lives.
  • Some victims of abuse who feel as if they have no control over their life may resort to starving or binge-eating followed by purging to gain some control of it. Purging is also a way to release emotions.
  • Some victims starve themselves to please their abusers, believing that if they lose weight the abuse will stop.

Four common weight-related disorders may develop in abuse victims:

  • Anorexia nervosa
    • Those with anorexia nervosa have a distorted self-image—they see themselves as overweight, even when they are critically underweight. They obsessively weigh themselves, severely limit their caloric and fat intake, and/or restrict the amount and the kind of food they eat. Anorexia nervosa sufferers tend to be perfectionists by nature.
  • Bulimia nervosa
    • Those withbulimia nervosa have recurrent, frequent, and uncontrollable bouts of excessive eating. To avoid gaining weight, these episodes are followed by compensating behaviors such as self-induced vomiting, over-use of laxatives or diuretics, fasting, or excessive exercising. Bulimia nervosa sufferers tend to be impulsive by nature.
  • Binge-eating disorder/Compulsive over-eating
    • Those with binge-eating disorder are not able to control their food intake. They feel compelled to eat even when they are not hungry, and cannot stop even when they feel full. Unlike with bulimia nervosa, they do not follow binging episodes with purging, fasting, or copious amounts of exercise, therefore are often overweight or suffer from obesity. Binge eaters have impulse control issues.
  • Emotional-eating disorder
    • Those with emotional-eating disorder use food as a way to control their emotions and regulate their moods. Episodes may be occasional or habitual, and can occur frequently throughout the day. Emotional eaters use food to block painful memories, soothe distressing moods, and as a form of protection. They are likely to suffer from excess body weight or obesity.

Eating disorders are harmful and life threatening. If you believe you are suffering from one, I urge you to promptly seek the help of an experienced mental health professional specializing in your condition.

In the meantime:

  • Practice expressing your emotions in healthy ways instead of harboring them.
  • Be mindful about your eating habits.
  • Do things that you enjoy or that make you feel good.
  • Treat yourself with love, kindness and respect.
  • Find healthy ways to self-soothe; exercise, yoga, walking, meditation, take a bath.
  • Avoid people and places that make you feel bad about yourself.
  • Seek out support groups for your particular problem.
  • Create affirmations and use positive self-talk.

If you have a food-related or eating-related disorder after suffering narcissistic abuse, it is my sincere hope that this chapter has given you the insight needed to progress in your healing journey.

Please be kind and gentle with yourself.

Copyrighted Material. May share with proper attribution but not reproduce.

Posted in Body Image, Narcissistic Personality Disorder | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment