Life Awakening

AWAKEN FROM LIFE is about discovering who you are and about defining your true self so you can seize the helm of your life! This book is changing lives. Let it change yours!

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Story of Hope Love Destiny

If you like inspirational memoirs about the power of hope, or just want to read a candid expose of my previously misaligned life, FINE…LY: My Story of Hope, Love, and Destiny is the book for you!! It’s a page turner!!

Available in Paperback or as an E-Book

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This memoir written by a woman author tells a compelling, impactful true life story about hope and love, and how she found her destiny. An excellent book for women!



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Inspiring Authors Message

Author, Randi G. Fine 

Living Life to the Fullest

Inspirational Author’s Message

The most difficult people in our lives end up being our greatest teachers.   The hurdles they place before us and the challenges they present to us are only lessons that we must learn for our greater good.   Think of the oyster…without the irritating grain of sand there would be no pearl. ~ Randi G. Fine

We all experience times of joy and times of suffering as we move through our lives. Life is a breeze during the happy times; we get to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. But we must ask ourselves how good joy would feel if we had no adversity to contrast it? The phrase, “nobody said life was easy,” was coined with good reason. The truth is, life is hard work…but the beauty of life is that it has many facets.  We are constantly challenged to learn and grow.  And as we rise to those challenges we become stronger, wiser and better human beings. The universe holds all the answers we will ever need. It’s all there for the taking if we watch, listen, and trust our intuition. I invite you to follow me on my journey as I explore the many paths to happiness, and the many avenues that will lead us to living life to the fullest. I wish you serenity and joy in your life. ~ Randi


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Adult Children of Narcissistic Abuse

npd abuse10 Adult Children of Narcissistic Abuse

A Preview From Randi G. Fine’s Upcoming Book

Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: Surviving Pathological Narcissistic Abuse

This is copyrighted material. It may not be reprinted, or used in whole or part by anyone other than the author.

As an Adult Child of Narcissistic Abuse you can learn about your past, you can validate your past, you can heal from your past, you can make peace with your past, but you will never make sense of your past.

Being unable to make sense of your past is very hard for the rational mind to accept. How many times have you looked back at your childhood, trying to figure out why your parent treated you the way he did? You want to know why—what was it about you that never measured up to your parent’s expectations and why were you so impossible to love?
These are painful and illogical truths you have spent years trying make sense of, only to have gotten more confused. The rationale you keep coming back to is that you were somehow to blame.

Logic tells you that you must have played a role in the way you were treated. After all, you were not the perfect child. But logic is wrong. You had nothing to do with it. You were only a child. No child is perfect, all children make mistakes, all children act out; these are expected behaviors that come with job of parenting. Good parents love their children no matter what they do..

It has been hard for you to pinpoint exactly why you feel the way you do, why you think the way you do, or why life seems so easy for others and has always felt so difficult for you.
You are not alone in this conundrum.

Adult Children of Narcissists (ACON’s) all struggle with similar issues:

  1. They are always searching for the self. Deprived of autonomy by parents who dictated how they should act and feel, they never became their own person. They do not know who they are as individuals or what is best for them, therefore allow others to define them.
  2. They believed they are flawed, not good enough, not smart enough, not good looking enough and socially unacceptable. They are never sure how others will perceive them or if they fit in. Since they place a great deal of emphasis on what others think about them, they often get taken advantage of. These insecurities make them vulnerable to victimization by other narcissists or those with similar agendas.
  3. No matter how old they are they never feel like “grownups.” Since their parents sabotaged their stages of emotional development, they did not mature in ways other children did. As adults they continue to be treated like children by parents who still take ownership of them.
  4. They experience bouts of extraneous anger, anxiety, depression, or other emotions. Being overcome by thoughts or emotions unrelated to their current reality is a constant reminder of how broken they still are.
  5. They have issues with self-love and self-esteem. Feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy are difficult to overcome after years of being told that they were not good enough.
  6. They are prone to self-blame, shame and feelings of humiliation.
  7. They tend to be over-responsible, often taking on more than their share.
  8. They often wonder if something is wrong with them or if they might be going crazy. It seems no one is able to understand their feelings or relate to their experiences. People get impatient when they talk about their childhood. They are told to “grow up already,” or “just get over it.”
  9. They are conflicted about not liking or wanting to be around their parents—often feeling protective over them. It is socially unacceptable to not love their parents, yet hard to love ones who have treated them so badly. Terrible guilt feelings arise out of this emotional tug-of-war.

It is important to understand that your narcissistic parents suffer from a mental disorder for which they will never seek help. Whatever love seemed real or hopeful was an illusion. That love never existed and never will. You will never have a healthy or satisfying relationship with your parent; he will never change. For the sake of your own sanity you must try to come to terms with that fact.

Accepting that reality means grieving the loss of a parent you never had. The process can be equal to grieving an actual death and therefore very painful. Allow yourself as much time as it takes—days, weeks, months. Do not set expectations for the process. It is different for each of us.

There will be times when you may feel hopeless—when it becomes hard to imagine ever feeling free of the burden of your childhood. Your past is not something you will ever outgrow nor will you “just get over it.” But with the awareness gained through this book, the determination to create a better life for yourself, a good support team, and patience with the process, you will heal the festering wound. A scar will always remain, not to remind you of your suffering but of your hard-earned triumph.

I cannot emphasize strongly enough how invaluable counseling or therapy is in the process of healing from this type of abuse. If you want to put your past behind you once and for all I urge you to get help. Without professional help you will make some strides, but it is likely that you will fall back into your parent’s same manipulative traps over and over.

If you have children of your own, you must see this process through to completion. If you do not, I guarantee that your kids will somehow suffer for it. This is something I see over and over in my counseling practice, so do not fool yourself into believing this is not so. You may not think your pain negatively impacts your children, or may believe that their other parent compensates for what you lack, but you are wrong.

The damage is not likely to be apparent when they are young, but your children are certain to experience difficulty in their adult life when it is too late for you to do anything about it. If you do not want to heal for yourself, then at least heal for your children.

As an Adult Child of narcissistic abuse you have a great deal to overcome. The pain you feel is real. You were severely abused and as a child you could do nothing about it. But the picture is entirely different now. You are an adult. It is time to reclaim your life as your own. Your parent is not the omnipotent figure he always appeared to be nor does he hold any power over you. As a full-grown adult you do not have to answer to anyone but yourself. Your parents can only hurt you if you allow them to.

If you have siblings who have yet to recognize the nature of their childhood abuse and who may be receptive, hand them this book. Reach out to them. Give them the opportunity to understand what they have endured. This is in your best interest.

This may be an opportunity to bond with each other and create trust among you—to join together for support and become allies against your abuser(s). A formidable opponent such as your narcissistic parent will stand no chance against a united sibling infantry.

You have suffered long enough. It is time to embrace self-love, to nurture your inner child and to take good care of yourself.

You have the right to progress, grow, and thrive in your life. You have the right to love and honor yourself. You have the right to psychological freedom and inner peace.

You are worthy, you are lovable, and you matter.

Randi Fine is available for counseling by telephone for your narcissistic abuse issues.
For more information please visit Fine Life Issues Counseling
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Seasons Greetings and Happy New Year 2015

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seasons greetings1Season’s Greetings and Happy New Year 2015

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Podcast Reaches One Hundred Thousand Listens

a fine time for healing1

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Thanksgiving Message 2015

fall leaves5A Thanksgiving Prayer of Gratitude

2015

Author Unknown

In the spirit of humility we give thanks for all that is.

We thank the great spiritual beings who have shared their wisdom.

We thank our ancestors for where they brought us to now.

We are grateful for the opportunity to walk this planet, to breathe the air, to taste the food, to experience sensations of the human body/mind, to share in this wonder that is life.

We are grateful for the natural world that supports us, for the community of humankind that enables us to do many wondrous things.

We are grateful that we are conscious, that as intelligent beings we can reflect upon the many gifts we have been given.

On this Thanksgiving day, however you may spend it, I am wishing you, dear reader a day of loving kindness for yourself and others, and a day of grateful reflection for the many gifts life has provided for you.

Among many other things, I am thankful for you.

With Love Always,

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Accept What You Cannot Control

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let goAllow, Trust

Things We Can’t Control

Daily OM by Madisyn Taylor

We develop grace as we learn with the guiding hand of the universe, life will unfold exactly the way it should.

The idea of trusting the universe is a popular one these days, but many of us don’t know what this really means and we often have a hard time doing it. This is partly because the story of humankind is most often presented as a story about struggle, control, and survival, instead of one of trust and collaboration with the universe. Yet, in truth, we need to adhere to both ideas in this life.

On the one hand, there is much to be said about exerting control over our environment. We created shelter to protect ourselves from the elements. We hunted for animals and invented agriculture to feed ourselves. We built social infrastructures to protect ourselves and create community. This is how we survive and grow as a civilization. However, it is also clear that there are plenty of things that we cannot control, no matter how hard we try, and we often receive support from an unseen force – a universe that provides us with what we cannot provide for ourselves.

It is a good idea to take responsibility for the things in life that we can control or create. We work so we can feed, clothe, and shelter our loved ones and ourselves. We manifest our dreams and visions in physical form with hard work and forethought. But at a certain point, when have done all that we can, we must let go and allow the universe to take over. This requires trust. It requires a trust that runs deeper than just expecting things to turn out the way we want them to. Sometimes they will, and sometimes they won’t. We develop equanimity and grace as we learn to trust that, with the guiding hand of the universe, life will unfold exactly the way it should. We are engaged in an ongoing relationship with a universe that responds to our thoughts and actions.

http://www.dailyom.com
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Your Sensitivity is Your Power

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energy healingAre You an Empath, Highly Sensitive  Person, or Someone Who Feels Stuck in Past Pain or Trauma?

How to Turn Your Pain Into Your Power

Article Written by Randi G. Fine

On October 23, 2015 I had Dr. Alison Kay on my podcast, A Fine Time for Healing. Dr. Kay is a master subtle energies teacher, practitioner and natural healer who works on a global scale. She did a brief, five minute group healing on air that was so powerful, I experienced the emotional purging effects for a week. You can listen to the show and experience the healing for yourself by going to:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/randi-fine/2015/10/23/what-if-theres-nothing-wrong-with-holistic-life-coach-alison-kay-phd-1

In my follow-up conversation with Dr. Kay I told her that I have thousands of readers, listeners, and counseling clients who for a variety of reasons find life a day to day struggle. Some cannot get past their emotional trauma or pain, some are highly sensitive, empathic people who pick up all the energies around them.

Dr. Kay explained how the two were related and how many factors can shift our subtle energy body.  I invited her back on my show on November 18th to explain it to all of you in ways only she can. The link to listen to that show is:

http://www.blogtalkradio.com/randi-fine/2015/11/18/managing-energy-sensitivities-for-empathsintuitiveshsp-with-alison-kay-phd

After learning that so many of you having these concerns,  and wanting to help you move past them, Dr. Alison Kay developed the four part Your Sensitivity Is Your Power Teleseries. 

If you see yourself in at least 3 of the following, this teleseries will be life changing for you.

    • You know you actually take on other people’s stuff, more than just worrying about them
    • Your energy levels are lower than you’d like them to be, or they go up and down quite sporadically
    • You don’t seem to be able to effectively say what you mean with others, although you do fine with your rehearsals ahead of time, or when alone
    • You consider yourself co-dependent, or know you have co-dependent relationships
    • You sometimes may feel as if you’re a victim to this world and others
    • You often hold yourself back or close yourself down
    • You find yourself over-giving and you don’t know how to stop
    • You notice you hold onto extra weight and often have trouble with your digestive tract
    • You don’t feel comfortable in your own skin, and want to feel like your old self again
    • You know you need to have better energetic boundaries
    • You want to dissolve the unconscious & subconscious parts of you that take on other peoples’ stuff as if it’s your duty in life
    • You want to feel supported instead of just being “the support”
    • You want help in opening your heart and quieting your mind

In this four-part teleseries, Dr. Alison will support you in re-framing what may have been previously perceived by you and told to you that sensitivity is your weakness.  You’ll be empowered to know how it’s actually your strength and your gift.  She’ll share a rarely mentioned and new understanding about why “sensitives” are this way that no one else is presenting; the kind of information that can set you free!

She’ll offer practical tips and tools that will help you take command over your own energy field, how to keep it clean, and how to better understand the dynamics of subtle energy and energy flows so you can work within the field you’re living more adeptly and with more ease and comfort.

She’ll further share her unique understanding of which chakra(s) this pattern is related to and how that may also be affecting some other sensations in your body, even the shape of your physical body itself, and hear why you may crave certain foods and how to shift that.

Because I believe so strongly in Dr. Alison’s work, and am so excited about it, I will be participating in the Your Sensitivity if Your Power Teleseries. I strongly encourage you to sign up and join me.  She has substantially discounted the cost at my urging, so more of you can participate. You will be able to interact with me there as well.

Though I am promoting this workshop, I am receiving no financial compensation for my endorsement. I just believe that this is going to be a life changing experience for you. If you are not yet convinced, click on the links I provided to both of the shows she did with me and listen to what she has to say (particularly the second one where she explains all of this).

Give yourself this life changing gift for the holidays and start the new year with a brand new outlook.

You can learn more about the Your Sensitivity is Your Power Teleseries and sign up for it by going to http://alisonjkay.com/sensitives-teleseries/

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Saying Yes When You Really Want to Say No

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no

Overcoming the Need to Always Say Yes

Article Written by Randi G. Fine

We have all felt compelled, one time or another, to say yes to something or someone when we really wanted to say no. We may have agreed to a commitment that we later regretted because we wanted to be nice or polite, feared conflict or confrontation, or worried what others would think of us. Saying no makes many of us feel uncomfortable. We would rather accept the personal sacrifices that come from agreeing than risk the consequences of saying no.

There are a variety of reasons people may find it hard to say no. Some people seek approval, some have the need to always be liked or needed, some fear burning bridges, and some simply do not place enough value on their selves or their time.

When others ask for our commitment many of us assume out of fear or the slant of our own perceptions that we know what those individuals want or are thinking. As a result we may falsely presume how they will react to being turned down, maybe create a scenario in our heads where the repercussions of saying no are very uncomfortable—perhaps catastrophic. In actuality that is rarely the result, but when it is, the other person’s overreaction often signals a bigger problem that cannot be remedied by our compliance. When someone cannot accept “no” as the answer we are not the problem—they are.

A person asking for help or a favor usually has a backup plan. If we say no they will often move on to “Plan B.” They may be disappointed by our response but their world will not be shattered. They will understand and get over it. Those of us who find it difficult to say no may not. We may ruminate over our decision or suffer guilt feelings for having turned them down.

Many people say yes because they place more value on others’ time than they do their own. But whenever we place more emphasis on pleasing others than we do ourselves we demonstrate a lack of boundaries and self-respect. Others begin to see us as “pushovers.” They will ask us to do things not because we are the best person to fulfill the job or favor, but because we never say no. By demonstrating that we value our time we teach others to respect and value it as well.

As humans we are interdependent. The propagation of our race and the functions of our society depend on the exchanges we have with others. Our species thrives on the reciprocation of love and kindness. But we must show kindness to ourselves before we can show it to others.

Time is a limited commodity; we have the right to choose how we want to spend it. Wasted time is lost time. The fifteen minutes here and there that we agree to give to others adds up to lost hours that we cannot get back. It is certainly the duty of each of us to help others in need, but it is up to us to define the balance between taking care of ourselves and assisting others. We cannot be everything to everyone.

Saying no has its implications but so does saying yes. Every time we say yes to something we say no to something else. When we over commit we deprive ourselves of the rest, relaxation, and sleep we need. Our performance and productivity in the things we say yes to suffer. The more selective we are with our consents the more often and effectively we can be there for those we truly want to help out.

There are times when we have no other option but to say yes. Whenever our compliance or agreement involves living up to our personal responsibilities we never have the option of declining. Likewise, those who are part of a team have the responsibility of participating and pulling their weight, though they do not have to take on more than their fair share. There are also times when we should never say yes. We should never allow others to unload their problems on us, take advantage of us, or manipulate us.

Sometimes it seems like the easiest thing to do would be to avoid saying no altogether and saying yes more. But you will no longer feel uncomfortable turning requests down once you learn the right way to do it. Remind yourself that you will not be the first person to decline a request—other people say no on a regular basis with very positive outcomes. With practice you will discover how easily you can do it too.

Here are five tips that will help you say no respectfully and courteously.

1. Be assertive. Say no politely but with conviction. Articulate it directly, openly, and honestly.

2. Never start out by apologizing. Saying, “I’m sorry but…” or I’m sorry I wish I could” waters down your stance. It makes you sound weaker and sends the wrong message.

3. The simplest and most direct way to say no is just to say, “No I Can’t,” “No thank you,” or “I already have plans.” Explain but do not over-explain. Keep it simple.

4. To restrain your tendency of first saying yes then regretting it, never promise anything on the spot. Just say, “I’ll think about it and get back to you” or I’ll check my schedule and get back to you.” If someone needs an immediate answer it should always be “no.”

5. If you would like to keep your options open but are genuinely too busy to make a decision, you can say, “That sounds like an interesting opportunity but I don’t have the time to consider it at the moment. Perhaps you could get back with me.” This makes the other person feel valuable, whether you ultimately respond yes or no.

Others have the right to ask us for whatever they want—money, a favor, our time. People can and will extend social invitations. Just as it is others’ rights to ask, it is our right and prerogative whether to say yes or no. That is a choice each of us is entitled to make.

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Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse without Validation

Emotional-support

Recovering from Narcissistic Abuse without Validation

To read this article written by Randi Fine for Healthyplace.com, please go to

http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/yourmentalhealth/2015/10/15/recovering-from-narcissistic-abuse-without-validation/

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Embracing Life Transitions

Transcript from 6/14/12 blog talk radio show A Fine Time for Healing, Transitions in Life

Transitions in Life

Written by Randi G. Fine

Life is a series of beginnings and endings. Seasons change; trees blossom and then go barren, flowers bloom and then go dormant, day turns to night, years begin and they end, we are born and we die.

Endings are not sudden, nor are beginnings. They come about through the process of transition. Transitions, the uncertain spaces between the beginnings and endings of change, the pauses and processes of life, are inevitable.

Life does not exist without transition; it conveys us through the stages of life. Many processes of transition are subtle, occurring fluently and without our awareness. Our bodies and minds easily acclimate to them. But change, whether good or bad, can also be very difficult. We feel off kilter when the comfort of the familiar and convenient becomes the discomfort of the unfamiliar and inconvenient, when we are forced to adjust our lives in ways that seem foreign to us.

We each view the transitions that occur in our lives differently. The way we perceive them is based on a variety of factors; our personalities, life experiences, emotional fortitude, coping skills, habitual behaviors, life styles, age, economic status, and more.transistions3

Transitions are stressful for everyone, but for those who are creatures of habit and very resistant to change, transitions may be extraordinarily so. Those who look forward to and welcome change more easily adjust to the process that goes along with it.

My husband and I are opposites in regard to our comfort level with change. I call him an “Old dog,” as in the expression, “You can’t teach an old dog, new tricks.” At the mention of change he digs his heels in and instantly becomes anxious–and not in a good way. I on the other hand get bored with the “same ol’, same ol’ very easily. I love that life is full of changes and surprises. That does not mean that transitions don’t make me uncomfortable—they do. But while they are emotional and stressful for me, faith and hindsight assure me that everything will work out for the best. I look forward to a new blossom on the rose of life. Though we are different in the way we view change, somehow we balance each other out. He grounds me and I give him a sense of adventure.

Couples go through many transitions as they mature in their years together. Their values, decisions, and choices as individuals and as a couple will change through the years. They must be willing and ready to accept, respect, readjust, and re-balance as each person navigates through their own stages and experiences of life at their own pace and in their own way. Some transitions, like getting married, moving in together, having a baby, making career decisions, buying a house, or relocating are navigated jointly. Both people will have different points of view and must work together to compromise a happy medium. The skills that they apply to make these transitions flow will strengthen the relationship, making future transitions a little easier to go through. Don’t be caught off guard when stressful events occur in your relationship. You might as well anticipate them because they are definitely going to happen.

It is normal to feel vulnerable, fearful, inadequate, and disoriented when the big question mark representing your future looms large in front of you. But transitions serve a very important purpose in our lives; they are opportunities for us to learn, grow, and gain new understanding of ourselves. They show us what we are made of, what our strengths and weaknesses, assets and liabilities are, so we can evaluate our lives and set new goals. They allow us to edit the story of our lives and give ourselves a new beginning.

Change may be voluntarytransitions3 and welcomed, but it may also be involuntary and unwelcomed. I would venture to say that unexpected, involuntary, unplanned, and unanticipated transitions are experienced in the most devastating ways. Unwelcomed transitions might begin with the death of a loved one, the loss or death of a pet, a painful separation or divorce, a financial or job loss, the loss of a home, an accident, or an illness. Unprepared for this types of transition these events typically leave us with feelings of shock, anger, denial, depression, betrayal, fear, insecurity, abandonment, and a whole host of other negative emotions.

Expected, voluntary, planned, and anticipated transitions come about at specific times in our lives. Though planned, the feelings leading up to them are still are anxiety producing. Common anticipated transitions begin with graduation, retirement, a welcomed change in job or career, going away to college, getting married, having a baby, the first day of school, moving to a new home, or a young adult moving out on their own.

Some transitions come about unexpectedly but are the result of a welcomed change such as a job transfer, the start of a new relationship, a promotion, or relocation to another city. Some transitions are anticipated and expected, but are involuntary such as aging, declining health, the loss of a role as occurs with empty nest syndrome, or an anticipated job loss.

Children make anticipated transitions throughout their stages of development, but according to Dr. Daniel Levinson, so do adults. Dr. Levinson, a retired professor of psychology at Yale who is now deceased, developed the well-regarded “Levinson’s theory,” a comprehensive theory of the stages of adult development. The ages that are shown for each stage fluctuate; we are all different and so is the way we progress through life’s stages. And though Levinson’s progression is linear, we do not move from one stage to another in that fashion. We may revisit previous stages as life presents us with unexpected events.

To successfully move through each stage we must allow ourselves to experience the emotions that go along with it, be accepting of the changes that are occurring, and be willing to let go of the past.

According to Dr. Levinson, the first stage of transition, called “Autonomy/Tentative Choices,” happens from ages 18-26. At this young adult stage we are developing a sense of who we are as a person, independent from our parents and childhood peers. We are defining ourselves as individuals, initiating an independent lifestyle, testing out new friendships, peer groups, and romantic interests, and changing our focus from our family to our peers. The commitments we make at this stage are tentative with the awareness that we can change our minds in the future.

The second stage,transitions4 called “Young Adult Transition,” occurs between ages 27 and 31. This is a time of disquietude. At this stage we question our sense of self, who we want to become, and what we want from life. We evaluate the choices we tentatively made in the previous stage, deciding whether or not to maintain them or change them, with a sense that the time of our carefree youth is quickly running out. We begin making commitments and connections, and sorting through our relationships, deciding which ones we will hold onto.

The third stage, called “Making Commitments,” occurs between ages 32 and 40. This is a stage of calm as we establish a more permanent sense of self. We implement the choices made in the previous stage; who we want to become and which direction to take in life. We feel a sense of mastery of our profession and focus our efforts on accomplishment. We make deeper commitments in our connections to society and community. Our relationship commitments to friends, peers, and romantic interests become more permanent.

The fourth stage, called, “Mid-Life Transition,” occurs between ages 41 and 48. This is a stage of discontentment, boredom, disillusionment, and rebalancing. We take a hard look at ourselves, questioning whether or not we achieved what we set out to do in life. Now half-way through life, we are coming to terms with our mortality. We focus less on our values and more on making up for whatever and whoever we neglected, wanting to make the best out of the next part of our lives. We re-assess the perception we have of ourselves, evaluate his values, and revise our priorities. We no longer feel the need to conform to peer, cultural, and societal pressure.

This stage is more commonly referred to as, “Midlife Crisis,” a natural maturing process first identified by Carl Jung. Though Levinson estimated the age of mid-life transition to be between the ages of 41 and 48, a midlife crisis might occur anywhere from about age 37 through the 50s. Due to the processes of life that may occur during this time of life, the difficulty of this stage may be compounded by simultaneous transitions such as divorce, bereavement over the loss of a parent, friend, or loved one, or worry over accumulated debt.

It becomes a crisis when we don’t understand the process and cannot come to terms with changes such as our aging appearance. When this happens we may find ourselves stuck, depressed, and frustrated. Dealing with this transition in an unhealthy way may cause us to do damaging things and make irrational choices that we may eventually regret.
At this stage, men typically feel the need to prove their worth, achievements, and job performance while trying to appear more youthful and successful. The stereotypical mid-life crisis male typically goes out and buys a sports car, though that is certainly not true in all cases. But they also soften their macho side and begin embracing more feminine interests like cooking, or artistic endeavors.

Women,transitions6 typically defined by their roles and relationships, begin reevaluating their performance in their roles as mother, wife, or partner. Realizing that they have put in the majority of their time raising children or being devoted to a career, and are now free to make choices, they feel the urge to pursue the dreams they had previously shelved. Feeling that they have paid their dues, they focus more on satisfying their selves.

If you are in this transition, take notice of any negative changes arising from the difficulty of it. Are you suffering from depression and the symptoms that go along with it such as change in eating habits, fatigue, sleeping pattern changes, anxiety, irritability, loss of interest in activities you once enjoyed, or obvious indications like thoughts of suicide? Are you suffering minor physical ailments that have no explanation? Deal with these symptoms as soon as possible, before you lose control or something terrible happens. Consider consulting a therapist to help guide you through the process.

When dealt with in a healthy manner, mid-life transition can be a time of tremendous growth. Support from close friends and loved ones will help us more easily navigate our way through the process.

The fifth stage, called “Leaving a Legacy,” occurs between ages 49 and 65. At the peak of our maturity, this has the potential to be one of the most productive stages. At this stage we focus on values that mean the most in the scheme of life. We are driven to make the best out of the time we have left by helping others, and we feel compelled to leave a positive legacy. We let go of our false ego and accept ourselves as worthwhile, regardless of our weaknesses. We feel less compelled to impress others and more compelled to make things better for them. We engage in deeper and more productive relationships with family, friends, and are driven to make contributions to society.

The sixth and last stage, called “Spiritual Denouement,” occurs from ages 66 and beyond. This is a stage of completion and fine-tuning. At this stage we are completing our spiritual development and the development of the person we wish to become.transitions8 We come to terms with the limitations of ourselves and our mortality, recognizing that life is only a part of existence and accepting that there is greater spiritual wisdom. And with that acceptance we become more willing to submit ourselves to the will of the higher power we believe in. As we prepare to leave our mark on the world we have a strong desire to pass the wealth of wisdom we have gained onto others. We have become more tolerant, accepting, and respectful of the diversity of others and have a greater sense of community.

You don’t have to understand the stages of growth to know that we get older, gain experience, and our wisdom matures. As we age we further our growth as a person. But what exactly are we striving for? Is our time on the Earth all there is? Are reasoning, sophistication, intellect, and experience merely accumulated until we cease to exist?
Transition plays a huge part in our spiritual growth. We are spiritual beings living in physical bodies, here to progress our souls. There is a much bigger picture and ultimate goal for our pain and efforts in the physical world. It is not about money, expertise, or recognition. The progresses we make and the people we help as we go through the stages of life propel our spiritual growth forward. If we don’t change we don’t grow.

We not only transition in life, we transition between lives. Birth is a transition, death is a transition, our journey to the other side some call heaven is a transition. From our efforts on the other side our souls transition to different levels of consciousness until they reach perfection.

Transition is the way the Universe gives you the lessons you need to learn and keeps you on the path that is best for you. Faith plays a huge part in it. Believing that you are never alone and that you always have divine guidance will carry you when you find it hard to carry yourself. Have faith in the perfection of the Universe. As difficult as life sometimes seem, understand that there is a greater plan for everything that happens.

Yes, transition is uncomfortable and difficult but nothing in life would exist without it. Transitions have beginnings and ends. You just have to push your way through the fog until you reach the end of each one. The end will always come, followed by a new beginning. You cannot possibly know what is in store for you, but hindsight of your past will assure you that everything will work out for the best. The confusion will pass, your clarity will be restored, and your vitality for living will return.

Change is an transitionsinevitable reality for all of us; it will come whether you are prepared for it or not. It is just another one of life’s challenges. Accept that you will feel insecure and uncomfortable while in the process. Acceptance of your reality is what will get you through it. A transition can either flow through its course or turn into a crisis. It is what you make it. Resistance and avoidance only hinder the process and get you stuck. Flexibility is necessary.

Though we cannot always choose our circumstances, we can choose how we deal with them. We can be a victim of circumstance and give away our personal power, or we can make the best of the hand we are dealt, and steer the course of our lives. If you are one who tends to take the victim stance, stop saying “why me” and feeling sorry for yourself. You are not the only one going through a painful transition. Life has not singled you out to be punished. Make the choice to lose the victim mentality and take responsibility for the way you live your life.

If you have always resisted change, shift your way of thinking about it. Embrace transition as a positive process that you can trust, an opportunity for rebirth. Life has a way of always working out, though it may take time to see the positive outcome. You can choose to have a positive outlook, to welcome change as a growth opportunity, even if you don’t understand he reasons behind the transition or are unprepared for the process. There is much in life that we do not understand. It is the big picture that counts.

When faced with the unknown it is natural to feel as if you have lost control of your life. That is because you probably have, but you have only lost control of certain aspects of it. Start by recognizing one small aspect of yourself or your life that you do have control over and exercise that control. Be sure to keep some things consistent. These strategies will help in re-balancing the loss of equilibrium you feel and give you back some of the power that you feel you have lost.

The way change is dealt with is different for each person and each transition. No two experiences will be the same. There is no manual. But there are strategies you can apply that will make the process more manageable and less stressful.

You cannot accept your situation unless you acknowledge your feelings and face your fears. Journaling is a wonderful way to express what you are feeling inside. Reflection and writing on a regular basis will help to reduce the confusion you feel, help you identify your fears, and help you reclaim the power your thoughts have over you.

Spend time alone to learn about yourself and gain self-awareness. This is the time to figure out what your needs are and who you would like to become. Take care of yourself, body, mind, and spirit; eat well, exercise, rest, and do things you enjoy.

Observe your life from the outside looking in. What is the overall picture of what is happening? Ask yourself what the worst thing that can happen is. Often your fears take on a life of their own causing you to lose perspective. Take a step back; get out of your own head for a few minutes. Take a rational approach.

Change your attitudetransitions9 from dread to anticipation. Understand that the comfort of old routines is only temporary. Take a new perspective; look at change as an opportunity for rebirth and growth. Try to find something positive about whatever situation you are in. Ask yourself what the potential opportunities that can come from it are and focus on them. Look back at your past to see how situations beyond your control ultimately benefitted you.

The most important and probably most difficult part of the process is taking the first step toward accomplishment. After you begin, take it a small step at a time. Just put one foot in front of the other and propel yourself forward, no matter how insignificant the effort may seem.

Set manageable short term and long term goals for yourself, and then celebrate when you reach them. Give yourself credit for the progress you make. Identify any resources available to you that will help you through the process.

Before you can embrace the new you have to let go of the old. Create an event to mark the end of the past and the start of a new beginning. Make a ritual of saying goodbye to people, situations, or places that will no longer be a part of your life. Be willing to let old identities, roles, and routines that no longer serve a purpose in your life go.

Allow yourself to imagine the future as you hope it will be. Seek inspiration through books, blogs, radio shows like this one, and special interest groups.

Don’t be afraid to humble yourself and ask for help. Share your feelings with those who are truly supportive of you, unconditionally accept you, and encourage you. You may need people you can emotionally lean on for awhile, people who will patiently listen to you as you obsess over the same feelings and frustrations over and over—people who will affirm what you are feeling and are willing to share their own experiences and positive outcomes to offer you a more positive viewpoint.

Find an accountability partner—someone who we keep you on track, encourage you, and bring you back to reality when you stray. This is person you will share your plans and goals with who will motivate you to keep moving forward. Choose someone you can trust to be brutally honest and give you a dose of tough love whenever you need it.

Progressing forward in a healthy way is critical to the process. You may need the help of a financial counselor or mental health professionals to guide you.

Think about the many transitions you have passed through in your life. Realize that they have delivered you to this moment. You made it through the best and you made it through the worst…and you are still here to talk about it. How did you deal with past changes? What would you do different? What have you learned as a result of transition and how has it transformed you?

Be proud of where you have come from, the strength you mustered in the past that got you through hard times, and the wisdom you gained as a result. That wisdom will be tremendously helpful in your ongoing life and it will certainly speed up your soul’s evolution. That is after all our ultimate goal.

Know that you would not be here if you did not have the capacity to handle life’s challenges. It is said that only the bravest souls choose to come to Earth school.

You maytransitions7 be experiencing transitions now and you certainly will be in the future. There will be periods of smooth sailing and there will be times of hardship. Sometimes you will easily stroll down the path of life and sometimes you will veer off course.

Transitions are not indications of failure; they are opportunities for growth, renewal, and rebirth. They allow us to become the best we can possibly be.

Look to all the future holds for you because that is where you are headed…and have faith.

To listen to the recording of this show please go to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/randi-fine/2012/06/14/transitions-in-life

Posted in Internet Radio Show, Life, Personal Growth, Transition | Tagged , , , , | 1 Comment

Treacherous World of Corporate Narcissism

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Treacherous World of Corporate Narcissism

With Randi Fine, host of the Blog Talk Radio Show, A Fine Time for Healing

On Tuesday October 6, 2015 A Fine Time for Healing will feature special guest Kristin Sunanta Walker, the CEO of a behavioral health consulting practice everythingEHR and host of Mental Health News Radio.

Kristin has worked in corporate America, specifically within the healthcare field, for over twenty five years.  As a consultant navigating the often treacherous world of corporate narcissism, she has found herself swimming, many times, in shark infested waters.

Kristin spent her childhood exposed to all members of the “Dark Triad” (narcissism, Machiavellian-ism and psychopathy). They were members of her biological family.  Little did she know this would set her up to not only heal the trauma she experienced at the hands of these predators but also forge a successful career along side many of them.  She uses the knowledge she has learned by living with these predators to help her clients and her own company sustain equitable, emotionally healthy, and financially successful business relationships.

Working with narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths in the corporate sector is no easy feat.  They live and work around us every day and everywhere.  The “every day” psychopath does wreak havoc on the emotional, financial, and physical lives of everyone around them.

When Kristin began her radio show it was to discuss behavioral healthcare technology, give voice to the work of clinicians, and raise awareness about mental health.  Her shows on narcissism, however, became so popular they pushed the show to a global audience downloaded in over 171 countries.  Through interviewing global leaders on the subjects of narcissism, psychopathy, and sociopathology Kristin has been able to spread awareness about narcissistic abuse.

On the October 6th show with Kristin Sunanta Walker as my special guest, Kristin and I will discuss corporate narcissism and toxic work environments.  As with her own radio show, Kristin will get personal about her own experiences and those of her colleagues.

Some of the topics of discussion will be on the following:

  • What is corporate narcissism?
  • Is there a difference between having a co-worker that has narcissistic personality disorder and having the CEO of the company with this disorder?
  • What are some of the traumas that employees, business partners, and vendors experience during and after working with a corporate narcissist?
  • Can an entire organization be narcissistically disordered?
  • How can staff root out these predators and create a healthy work environment?
  • What kind of counseling is needed in order for the victims to overcome the emotional abuse suffered while working with these people?
  • Can corporate narcissists be healed?
  • Can a narcissistic organization be healed?
  • What are some of your first hand experiences working with these predators?

Please tune in on October 6th and listen either live at 11 am EST or anytime after the show airs by going to http://www.blogtalkradio.com/randi-fine/2015/10/06/treacherous-world-of-corporate-narcissism-with-ceo-kristin-sunanta-walker

To learn more about Kristin Sunanta Walker please visit:

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