Life Awakening

AWAKEN FROM LIFE is about discovering who you are and about defining your true self so you can seize the helm of your life! This book is changing lives. Let it change yours!

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Story of Hope Love Destiny

If you like inspirational memoirs about the power of hope, or just want to read a candid expose of my previously misaligned life, FINE…LY: My Story of Hope, Love, and Destiny is the book for you!! It’s a page turner!!

Available in Paperback or as an E-Book

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This memoir written by a woman author tells a compelling, impactful true life story about hope and love, and how she found her destiny. An excellent book for women!

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Inspiring Authors Message

Author, Randi G. Fine 

Living Life to the Fullest

Inspirational Author’s Message

The most difficult people in our lives end up being our greatest teachers.   The hurdles they place before us and the challenges they present to us are only lessons that we must learn for our greater good.   Think of the oyster…without the irritating grain of sand there would be no pearl. ~ Randi G. Fine

We all experience times of joy and times of suffering as we move through our lives. Life is a breeze during the happy times; we get to sit back, relax, and enjoy the ride. But we must ask ourselves how good joy would feel if we had no adversity to contrast it? The phrase, “nobody said life was easy,” was coined with good reason. The truth is, life is hard work…but the beauty of life is that it has many facets.  We are constantly challenged to learn and grow.  And as we rise to those challenges we become stronger, wiser and better human beings. The universe holds all the answers we will ever need. It’s all there for the taking if we watch, listen, and trust our intuition. I invite you to follow me on my journey as I explore the many paths to happiness, and the many avenues that will lead us to living life to the fullest. I wish you serenity and joy in your life. ~ Randi

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Are You a Victim of Narcissistic Abuse

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npd abuseNarcissistic Abuse Disorder: Are You A Victim?

Listen to Randi Fine’s Interview on: Raising the Bar with Amy Braido

Were you abused in the past or currently being abused by a Narcissist? How do you identify a narcissist in your relationship? Tune in and meet Randi Fine, a Life Issues Counselor, and expert on Narcissistic Abuse Disorder.

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The Unholy Grail of the Narcissistic Mother

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We’ve had hundreds of requests to interview Randi Fine again on Mental Health News Radio. The topic? Narcissistic Mothers. Randi is an expert and shares with us her experiences with her own narcissistic mother and how the relationship changes as you get older. We cover the mother/daughter and mother/son dynamic.

Thanks for listening!


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Is My Abuser a Narcissist Psychopath or Sociopath

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npd12Narcissist, Psychopath or Sociopath?

Excerpt from Randi Fine’s Upcoming Groundbreaking New Book,

Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivors Guide to Healing

There is a great deal of false information on the internet about narcissistic personality disorder and its relationship to psychopathy. Many have asked me if their narcissistic abuser is also a psychopath or sociopath.

The confusion comes from the assumption that since psycho/sociopaths and narcissists are both empathy devoid and psychiatrically classified in the same cluster of personality disorders, they are one and the same. They are not.

All psychopaths and sociopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are psychopaths or sociopaths. The blanket diagnosis only works one way. Still the possibility exists that in addition to being a narcissist, your abuser may also be a psycho or sociopath.

Psychopaths and sociopaths fall under a broader class of mental illness known as “antisocial personality disorder.” Just as is true with all mental illnesses and personality disorders, symptoms of antisocial personality disorder can vary in severity. Sociopathy and psychopathy, the most dangerous forms of APD, are found at the extreme end of the spectrum.

Sociopaths and psychopaths have very similar characteristics and behavior patterns so the terms are often used interchangeably. Since there are many similarities between sociopathic and psychopathic behaviors and very few differences, the confusion is understandable.

Three subtle distinctions between sociopaths and psychopaths are:

  • Psychopaths are more calculating. Sociopaths are more impulsive.
  • Psychopaths are more prone to commit crimes and murder than sociopaths are.
  • Psychopathic behavior is innate–heredity and genetics are primary causes. Sociopathic behavior is learned—sociological factors and childhood trauma or abuse are the primary causes.

Traits and behaviors common to both sociopaths and psychopaths are:

  • They are highly destructive to other people.
  • They have superiority complexes.
  • They have a grandiose sense of self-worth and self-image.
  • They are master manipulators
  • They have no self-identity; therefore create different personas and disguises for each target.
  • They appear “normal.”
  • They are disingenuous.
  • They are unaware of social cues.
  • They have charming, charismatic personalities.
  • They appear highly intelligent.
  • They are calm, sometimes eerily so.
  • They are well-mannered and well-behaved
  • They are perpetual gratification seekers needing constant stimulation, pleasure and excitement.
  • They cannot form emotional attachments or maintain relationships, but may be good at faking them.
  • They lack empathy but are adept at mimicking appropriate emotions.
  • They are remorseless.
  • They are exploitative and violent.
  • They demonstrate predatory behavior.
  • They are sadistic.
  • They are cold and callous.
  • They are compulsive liars.
  • They are often successful in their careers.
  • They have no regard for societal rules.

Psycho/sociopaths share many characteristic traits and behaviors with narcissists. That is why distinguishing between them is confusing.

To truly understand the distinction, they must be examined under the entire antisocial personality disorder umbrella. When characterized in its entirety, antisocial personality disorder is much more dramatic and disconcerting.

Antisocial personality disorder is characterized as a prevailing behavioral pattern of disregard or violation of the rights of others. It is psychiatrically classified as a cluster B, “dramatic” personality disorder by the DSM-5 along with narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder.

Since many of the signs and symptoms of APD overlap with other disorders, it is not easy for practitioners to diagnose this condition. A single test to assess a person does not exist. Before any conclusions can be made, a comprehensive medical exam and mental health interview must be conducted.

A primary factor in diagnosing someone with antisocial personality disorder is the person’s age when their symptoms first began. An APD diagnosis requires that the person showed symptoms of conduct disorder before the age of fifteen.

Signs and symptoms of antisocial personality disorder appearing before age fifteen may include:

  • Cruelty to animals
  • Little or no regard for people’s feelings
  • Poor academic performance in school
  • Alcohol or substance abuse
  • Impulsiveness
  • Not motivated by either approval or reward
  • Suicide attempts
  • Criminal behavior
  • Bullying
  • Explosions of anger

A true APD diagnosis cannot be made until the age of eighteen. The symptoms are typically most evident between the ages of twenty and thirty.

Signs and symptoms of antisocial personality disorder in adulthood may include:

  • Disregard for right and wrong
  • Failure to conform to society
  • Impulsivity
  • Hostility
  • Irresponsibility
  • Antagonizing and manipulating with callous indifference
  • Criminal behavior, recurring difficulties with the law
  • Persistent lying or deceit
  • Using charm or wit to manipulate others for personal gain or pleasure
  • Intense egocentrism
  • Sense of superiority
  • Exhibitionism
  • Repeatedly violating the rights of others through intimidation, dishonesty and misrepresentation
  • Child abuse or neglect
  • Significant irritability and agitation
  • Lack of empathy for others
  • Lack of guilt or remorse about harming others
  • Risk-taking or dangerous behaviors
  • Exploitation of others
  • Poor or abusive relationships
  • Failure to learn from the negative consequences of their behavior
  • Violent and aggressive behavior
  • Motivated by greed or revenge

A person is not required to have all the above traits. The American Psychiatry Association lists specific criteria for mental health professionals to use in making an APD diagnosis.

Jeffery Dahmer, Casey Anthony, John Wayne Gacy, Gary Gilmore, and Drew Peterson are infamous anti-socials who exemplify this disorder.

If you are now more confused than ever about what makes your abuser tick you are not alone. Narcissists are complex people. You will probably never fully understand the workings of his or her mind, and that is okay. The process of healing from this type of abuse is more about learning to accept it than understanding it.

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Red Flags That You Are Dating a Narcissist

relationship issuesListen to my interview about abusive narcissistic relationships. on John Holt’s WXLM-AM Radio Show, Networking Singles


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Narcissistic Abuse Survivor Counseling

fine life issues counseling
Affordable, Confidential Compassionate Counseling
by Telephone Worldwide
Codependency, Narcissistic Abuse, Letting Go of Past Pain, Relationship Problems, Boundary Issues
Convenient Appointment Times

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Adult Children of Narcissistic Abuse

npd abuse10 Adult Children of Narcissistic Abuse

A Preview From Randi G. Fine’s Upcoming Book

Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: Surviving Pathological Narcissistic Abuse

This is copyrighted material. It may not be reprinted, or used in whole or part by anyone other than the author.

As an Adult Child of Narcissistic Abuse you can learn about your past, you can validate your past, you can heal from your past, you can make peace with your past, but you will never make sense of your past.

Being unable to make sense of your past is very hard for the rational mind to accept. How many times have you looked back at your childhood, trying to figure out why your parent treated you the way he did? You want to know why—what was it about you that never measured up to your parent’s expectations and why were you so impossible to love?
These are painful and illogical truths you have spent years trying make sense of, only to have gotten more confused. The rationale you keep coming back to is that you were somehow to blame.

Logic tells you that you must have played a role in the way you were treated. After all, you were not the perfect child. But logic is wrong. You had nothing to do with it. You were only a child. No child is perfect, all children make mistakes, all children act out; these are expected behaviors that come with job of parenting. Good parents love their children no matter what they do..

It has been hard for you to pinpoint exactly why you feel the way you do, why you think the way you do, or why life seems so easy for others and has always felt so difficult for you.
You are not alone in this conundrum.

Adult Children of Narcissists (ACON’s) all struggle with similar issues:

  1. They are always searching for the self. Deprived of autonomy by parents who dictated how they should act and feel, they never became their own person. They do not know who they are as individuals or what is best for them, therefore allow others to define them.
  2. They believed they are flawed, not good enough, not smart enough, not good looking enough and socially unacceptable. They are never sure how others will perceive them or if they fit in. Since they place a great deal of emphasis on what others think about them, they often get taken advantage of. These insecurities make them vulnerable to victimization by other narcissists or those with similar agendas.
  3. No matter how old they are they never feel like “grownups.” Since their parents sabotaged their stages of emotional development, they did not mature in ways other children did. As adults they continue to be treated like children by parents who still take ownership of them.
  4. They experience bouts of extraneous anger, anxiety, depression, or other emotions. Being overcome by thoughts or emotions unrelated to their current reality is a constant reminder of how broken they still are.
  5. They have issues with self-love and self-esteem. Feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy are difficult to overcome after years of being told that they were not good enough.
  6. They are prone to self-blame, shame and feelings of humiliation.
  7. They tend to be over-responsible, often taking on more than their share.
  8. They often wonder if something is wrong with them or if they might be going crazy. It seems no one is able to understand their feelings or relate to their experiences. People get impatient when they talk about their childhood. They are told to “grow up already,” or “just get over it.”
  9. They are conflicted about not liking or wanting to be around their parents—often feeling protective over them. It is socially unacceptable to not love their parents, yet hard to love ones who have treated them so badly. Terrible guilt feelings arise out of this emotional tug-of-war.

It is important to understand that your narcissistic parents suffer from a mental disorder for which they will never seek help. Whatever love seemed real or hopeful was an illusion. That love never existed and never will. You will never have a healthy or satisfying relationship with your parent; he will never change. For the sake of your own sanity you must try to come to terms with that fact.

Accepting that reality means grieving the loss of a parent you never had. The process can be equal to grieving an actual death and therefore very painful. Allow yourself as much time as it takes—days, weeks, months. Do not set expectations for the process. It is different for each of us.

There will be times when you may feel hopeless—when it becomes hard to imagine ever feeling free of the burden of your childhood. Your past is not something you will ever outgrow nor will you “just get over it.” But with the awareness gained through this book, the determination to create a better life for yourself, a good support team, and patience with the process, you will heal the festering wound. A scar will always remain, not to remind you of your suffering but of your hard-earned triumph.

I cannot emphasize strongly enough how invaluable counseling or therapy is in the process of healing from this type of abuse. If you want to put your past behind you once and for all I urge you to get help. Without professional help you will make some strides, but it is likely that you will fall back into your parent’s same manipulative traps over and over.

If you have children of your own, you must see this process through to completion. If you do not, I guarantee that your kids will somehow suffer for it. This is something I see over and over in my counseling practice, so do not fool yourself into believing this is not so. You may not think your pain negatively impacts your children, or may believe that their other parent compensates for what you lack, but you are wrong.

The damage is not likely to be apparent when they are young, but your children are certain to experience difficulty in their adult life when it is too late for you to do anything about it. If you do not want to heal for yourself, then at least heal for your children.

As an Adult Child of narcissistic abuse you have a great deal to overcome. The pain you feel is real. You were severely abused and as a child you could do nothing about it. But the picture is entirely different now. You are an adult. It is time to reclaim your life as your own. Your parent is not the omnipotent figure he always appeared to be nor does he hold any power over you. As a full-grown adult you do not have to answer to anyone but yourself. Your parents can only hurt you if you allow them to.

If you have siblings who have yet to recognize the nature of their childhood abuse and who may be receptive, hand them this book. Reach out to them. Give them the opportunity to understand what they have endured. This is in your best interest.

This may be an opportunity to bond with each other and create trust among you—to join together for support and become allies against your abuser(s). A formidable opponent such as your narcissistic parent will stand no chance against a united sibling infantry.

You have suffered long enough. It is time to embrace self-love, to nurture your inner child and to take good care of yourself.

You have the right to progress, grow, and thrive in your life. You have the right to love and honor yourself. You have the right to psychological freedom and inner peace.

You are worthy, you are lovable, and you matter.

Randi Fine is available for counseling by telephone for your narcissistic abuse issues.
For more information please visit Fine Life Issues Counseling
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Seasons Greetings and Happy New Year 2015

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seasons greetings1Season’s Greetings and Happy New Year 2015

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Podcast Reaches One Hundred Thousand Listens

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Thanksgiving Message 2015

fall leaves5A Thanksgiving Prayer of Gratitude


Author Unknown

In the spirit of humility we give thanks for all that is.

We thank the great spiritual beings who have shared their wisdom.

We thank our ancestors for where they brought us to now.

We are grateful for the opportunity to walk this planet, to breathe the air, to taste the food, to experience sensations of the human body/mind, to share in this wonder that is life.

We are grateful for the natural world that supports us, for the community of humankind that enables us to do many wondrous things.

We are grateful that we are conscious, that as intelligent beings we can reflect upon the many gifts we have been given.

On this Thanksgiving day, however you may spend it, I am wishing you, dear reader a day of loving kindness for yourself and others, and a day of grateful reflection for the many gifts life has provided for you.

Among many other things, I am thankful for you.

With Love Always,


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Accept What You Cannot Control

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let goAllow, Trust

Things We Can’t Control

Daily OM by Madisyn Taylor

We develop grace as we learn with the guiding hand of the universe, life will unfold exactly the way it should.

The idea of trusting the universe is a popular one these days, but many of us don’t know what this really means and we often have a hard time doing it. This is partly because the story of humankind is most often presented as a story about struggle, control, and survival, instead of one of trust and collaboration with the universe. Yet, in truth, we need to adhere to both ideas in this life.

On the one hand, there is much to be said about exerting control over our environment. We created shelter to protect ourselves from the elements. We hunted for animals and invented agriculture to feed ourselves. We built social infrastructures to protect ourselves and create community. This is how we survive and grow as a civilization. However, it is also clear that there are plenty of things that we cannot control, no matter how hard we try, and we often receive support from an unseen force – a universe that provides us with what we cannot provide for ourselves.

It is a good idea to take responsibility for the things in life that we can control or create. We work so we can feed, clothe, and shelter our loved ones and ourselves. We manifest our dreams and visions in physical form with hard work and forethought. But at a certain point, when have done all that we can, we must let go and allow the universe to take over. This requires trust. It requires a trust that runs deeper than just expecting things to turn out the way we want them to. Sometimes they will, and sometimes they won’t. We develop equanimity and grace as we learn to trust that, with the guiding hand of the universe, life will unfold exactly the way it should. We are engaged in an ongoing relationship with a universe that responds to our thoughts and actions.
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