Close Encounters of the Worst Kind

Close Encounters of the Worst Kind: The Narcissistic Abuse Survivor’s Guide to Healing and Recovery

Written by Randi G. Fine

Now Available in Paperback

Kindle Version Coming Soon

If you enjoy this book, please leave a glowing review on Amazon.

Together we can make this book a #1 bestseller and help people all over the world!

Watch the Book Trailer Here

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The Narcissistic Abuse Survivors Guide to Healing and Recovery

Now Available!

Help has arrived.

Don’t let the narcissist steal another second from you!

Sit back, relax, nestle into a comfy sofa and enjoy a soothing cup of tea. Turn the pages of this book, knowing this guide will help you work through some of the most challenging circumstances a person can encounter on the planet. You are in good hands with Randi Fine’s outstanding book. Readers, you are in for a real treat.  ~Andrea Schneider, MSW, LCSW  Psychotherapist/Life Coach specializing in narcissistic abuse recovery in Los Angeles. 

Close Encounters is a comprehensive, compassionate and supportive guide to understanding the unique and complex nature of narcissistic abuse and the emotionally crippling syndrome that results from it. This groundbreaking book gives narcissistic abuse survivors the most complete and trustworthy road map to guide them through the healing process, into recovery, and ultimately to the freedom and happiness they deserve.

Narcissistic abuse survivors, concerned supporters, and helping professionals will find the most up-to-date information on the psychological, emotional and physical effects of NPD abuse. Readers also learn how narcissistic abuse infiltrates various settings including work, family-of-origin, friendships and romantic relationships.

Written in a non-labeling, non-judgmental style, survivors will find this book highly educating and empowering.

To those people in your life who cannot possibly understand what you have endured, you no longer have to explain. Just hand them this book.

You have suffered enough. Now it is time to heal.

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Randi’s Podcast A Fine Time for Healing

A Fine Time for Healing Gets a Brand New Look!

Lots of fabulous new shows with exciting guests scheduled in the coming months.

For a list of upcoming shows, descriptions, and show links please visit

INTERNET RADIO SHOW PAGE 2017

Listen to previously archived shows from 2011-2015 and 2016

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True Angel Story

Article written by Randi G. Fine, Author about her personal experience

The angels are always near to those who are grieving, to whisper to them that their loved ones are safe in the hand of God. ~ Quoted in The Angels’ Little Instruction Book by Eileen Elias Freeman, 1994

In 2004 my husband was in the market for a mid-seventies Corvette or Trans Am to add to his antique car collection.  He saw an advertisement in the newspaper that looked interesting from a private owner that was selling a Trans Am.  He called the number and a woman answered the telephone.  She told my husband that the car had been her husband’s but he had died a few days ago.  His death had come about suddenly.  She hadn’t even buried him yet.  Still, she said he should come by and take a look at it.

I had no interest in my husband’s car hobby.  He had been looking for awhile by himself – it really didn’t matter to me what car he decided to buy.  But it was the weekend, the woman’s house was an hour’s drive away, and he asked me to take a ride with him.  I agreed to go along.

The woman had a very nice house, nestled on a wooded lot.  A very lovely blonde in her fifties answered the door.  She told us that the car was in the garage on the side of the house.  She said that the garage had been her husband’s special place.  He had turned it into a museum for his many collectibles.  She opened the garage door and we were invited to look around.  Knowing nothing at all about the Trans Am, she handed my husband the keys and told him to pull it out onto the driveway where he could look it over.  While he was absorbed in examining the engine, the two of us stood nearby and chatted.

She told me that she and her husband had always been very close.  It had just been the two of them; they had no children.   The woman said that the reality of her husband’s death hadn’t fully hit her yet.  She didn’t know how she would handle everything without him.  I said the only thing I could think to say to console her.   “Everything will be okay” I said, repeating it about three times in the course of our conversation because it seemed to comfort her.   I asked if she had felt her husband’s presence around her since his death; that he probably was still with her.   She said she had been talking to him, but didn’t feel like he was there.  Just then the telephone rang.  She excused herself and went into the house.

When she came back outside she had a look of relief on her face.  She looked curiously at me and said, “I know now that everything will be okay.”  I asked her what had changed, how she knew that.  Did it have something to do with the phone call she had just received?  She said no, it had happened after she hung up the telephone.  She said, “I was standing in the living room when I suddenly heard my husband’s voice say, ‘Everything will be okay.  He used the same exact words that you did.  Now I know that it’s true.”    She said, “You are the angel he sent to me to deliver those words.  You were brought to me for that purpose.”   I gave her a hug and she smiled serenely.  Then she looked at me and said, “I can’t thank you enough for coming.  You are right–I am going to be just fine.”

I had no doubt.

Read more articles on this topic:

Life After Death Exists

Loved One Beyond Sends Hopeful Message

Death Nonexistent Life Eternal

The Rainbow Bridge

 

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September 11 2017

In remembrance of all those whose lives were changed forever and all those whose lives were  taken on that fateful day, September 11, 2001.

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Effects of Brainwashing on Narcissistic Victims and Survivors

Effects of Brainwashing on Narcissistic Victims and Survivors

Those who have suffered narcissistic abuse find healing on their own very difficult. Whether they realize it or not, the hardest thing to overcome is the brainwashing that has been done to them.

Victims are conditioned to think a certain way by narcissists who want to control them. Narcissists don’t learn and practice brainwashing, manipulation, and control techniques, as most of us would have to in order to effectively use them. It comes naturally to their pathologically depraved minds. They simply know how to do it with little or no deliberation. Since their very survival depends on capturing vulnerable hosts to feed off of, it is a skill that must be second nature to them.

If you have read and listened to everything NPD, understand what you are dealing with, but cannot get passed it or overcome the pain, it is because of the brainwashing that has been done to you. Your mind will always default to the way in which it was conditioned. This state of mind does not have to become a permanent way of thinking, but if you do not get someone to help you deprogram what has been subliminally put in there, you will find this challenge insurmountable.

If you think you are immune to mind control, think again. Anyone, given the right circumstances may be subject to it. If you have had any prolonged exposure to someone with narcissistic personality disorder, I can guarantee you that you are suffering its effects.

The article below briefly explains how brainwashing in abusive relationships occurs. It is based on a report that has come to be known as “Biderman’s Chart of Coercion. To learn more about brainwashing I suggest you do your own research.

Brainwashing in Abusive Relationships

Being in an abusive relationship often feels like torture. Sometimes that’s because your partner’s behavior feels like the torture techniques used by mortal enemies instead.

Brainwashing is defined in the Psychology Dictionary as that which “manipulates and modifies a person’s emotions, attitudes, and beliefs.” It reduces a person’s ability to mentally defend themselves and makes it easier for another person to control them.

Brainwashing is one example of how abuse in relationships parallels torture. Brainwashing makes it easier to control a targeted person. And it makes it harder for the person to see their way free of the relationship.

Abusive people often are able to throw the targets of their abuse into a trance that makes it difficult for them to think clearly. Targets of abuse can begin to take on the opinions of the abusive person and lose themselves.

A man or woman who is peppered with their partner’s opinion, given little or no time to recover, and kept busy responding to demands may not have much mental energy left over. They may be inundated with the partner’s version of events to the point where it is difficult to hold on to their own perspective. The anxiety that can be produced by being the target of abuse also makes it difficult to think clearly.

In 1956, Albert Biderman studied how prisoner of war camp personnel got U.S. prisoners of the Korean War to give them tactical information, collaborate with propaganda, and agree with false confessions. Biderman stated that inflicting physical pain was not necessary to “induce compliance,” but psychological manipulations were extremely effective for that purpose. His report included what has come to be known as “Biderman’s Chart of Coercion.”

Biderman’s chart has been used by many to describe the elements that contribute to brainwashing in various situations, including partner abuse. The tactics included in his chart can be linked to other ways people abuse their partners.

In his Chart of Coercion, Biderman summarized the mechanisms for brainwashing:

  • Isolation
  • Monopolization of perception (fixes attention on immediate predicament; eliminates “undesirable” stimuli)
  • Induced debilitation; exhaustion
  • Threats
  • Occasional indulgences (provides motivation for compliance; hinders adjustment to deprivation)
  • Demonstrating superiority
  • Degradation
  • Enforcing trivial demands

Not all eight elements need to be present in order for brainwashing to occur. Each element can have some power to distort reality, interfere with perception, reduce a person’s self-confidence, and garner compliance.

In a prisoner of war camp, the prisoner and jailer are enemies. Servicemen and –women are commonly trained to deal with brainwashing tactics in case they are captured by enemy forces.

In a romantic relationship, the partners are supposed to be on the same side. It is reasonable to expect love, understanding, and compassion from your partner, and to want to offer that to them also. The relationship, unfortunately, creates a vulnerability to the coercive brainwashing of a malicious or self-centered partner. It is unexpected. It can sneak up on you.

Ann Silvers, MA is a Licensed Mental Health Counselor, relationship coach, and author with 30 years’ experience helping people improve their communication and relationship skills. She has published many products that she developed while working with women and men as couples and individuals, including her book, Abuse OF Men BY Women: It Happens, It Hurts, and It’s Time to Get Real About It. Find out more at http;//www.annsilvers.com.

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Considering NPD Counseling

If you have ever considered narcissistic abuse counseling or need advice on narcissistic abuse issues, now is a good time to start with me because my rates will be going from $60 per hour to $100 per hour in October. Anyone who has started with me prior to the rate increase will be locked into the old rates. To make an appointment, please go to http://www.randigfine.com/finelifeissuescounseling. There are two ways to book with me. Be sure to book the appointment in your desired format (Skype or Telephone)

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Healthy Self Love

Healthy Self Love Quote Collection

The one person I am with forever is me. My relationship with myself is eternal, so I choose to be my own best friend. I choose to love and accept myself, and talk to myself as I would a beloved person in my life.  I saturate all the cells in my body with love, and they become vibrantly healthy. I relate with love to all of my life. ~Louise Hay

Your problem is… you’re too busy holding onto your unworthiness.
- Ram Dass

When nobody else celebrates you, learn to celebrate yourself.  When nobody else compliments you, then compliment yourself. It’s not up to other people to keep you encouraged. It’s up to you.  Encouragement should come from the inside. ~Joel Osteen

Our species thrives on the reciprocity of love and kindness. We should always reach out to those in need. But we must show kindness to ourselves before we can show it to others. Each of us must define for ourselves the balance between taking care of ourselves and assisting others, and accept that we cannot be everything to everyone.~Randi G Fine

To dream of the person you would like to be is to waste the person you are. ~Author Unknown

First become alone. First start enjoying yourself. First love yourself. First become so authentically happy that if nobody comes it doesn’t matter; you are full, overflowing. If nobody knocks at your door it is perfectly okay; you are not missing. You are not waiting for someone to come and knock at the door. You are at home. If somebody comes: good—beautiful. If nobody comes that too is beautiful and good. ~Osho~

The rule of thumb has to be: I’m going to be very, very, very happy, and then do everything I have time to do after that. ~Abraham

Loving yourself…does not mean being self-absorbed or narcissistic, or disregarding others. Rather it means welcoming yourself as the most honored guest in your own heart, a guest worthy of respect, a lovable companion. -Margo Anand

Once you believe in yourself and see your soul as divine and precious, you’ll automatically be converted to a being who can create miracles. ~Wayne Dyer~

True love only comes when self-love is already there. ~Randi G. Fine~

You are a beautiful creation—perfectly imperfect—a work in progress—you have everything you need to fulfill your purpose—don’t dilute yourself for any person or for any reason—you are enough. Be unapologetically you. ~Steve Maraboli

How different would your life be if the fear, shame, self-doubt, and burdens of your past no longer existed—if you, accepted yourself, loved yourself, and respected yourself despite your weight, appearance or history? These things do not define you. Let them go and start creating the life you desire. ~Author Unknown~ (quote found on weighingthefacts.blogspot.com)

In the space between each thought may you know your greatness, the vast nature of your being.  In the space between each breath may you feel the immense depth of your soul, and know yourself to be love. ~Julie Parker

Fill your own well with love so that others may drink from it. ~Randi G. Fine

 Awaken to the true beauty of your Spirit. You have come through portals of light to be here on the planet right now. Write you name upon the sky and know your life is a blessing. ~Laurel Bleadon –Maffei~

Becoming acquainted with yourself is a price well worth paying for the love that will really address your needs. ~Daphne Rose Kingma~

A healthy self-love means we have no compulsion to justify to ourselves or others why we take vacations, why we sleep late, why we buy new shoes, why we spoil ourselves from time to time. We feel comfortable doing things which add quality and beauty to life. ~Andrew Matthews

Self love does not lessen our ability to love others; it increases it. The more love we have within the more love we have to give out. ~Randi G. Fine

There comes a time when you have to stand up and shout: This is me damn it! I look the way I look, think the way I think, feel the way I feel, love the way I love! I am a whole complex package. Take me or leave me. Accept me or walk away! Do not try to make me feel like less of a person, just because I don’t fit your idea of who I should be, and don’t try to change me to fit your mold. If I need to change, I alone will make that decision. When you are strong enough to love yourself 100%,  good and bad, you will be amazed at the opportunities that life presents you. ~Stacey Charter

Something inside you emerges….an innate, in-dwelling peace, stillness, aliveness. It is the unconditioned, who you are in your essence. It is what you had been looking for in the love object. It is yourself.  ~Eckhart Tolle

No matter what age you are, or what your circumstances might be, you are special, and you still have something unique to offer. Your life, because of who you are, has meaning.~Barbara de Angelis

Cultivating self-love is the tallest mountain we will ever have to climb, yet it is the core of everything we do in life. ~Randi G Fine

It doesn’t make sense to call ourselves ugly, because we don’t really see ourselves. We don’t watch ourselves sleeping in bed, curled up silent with our chests rising and falling with our own rhythm. We don’t see ourselves reading a book, eyes fluttering and glowing.  You don’t see yourself looking at someone with love and care in your heart.  There’s no mirror in your way when you’re laughing and smiling, and pure happiness is leaking out of you.  You would know exactly how bright and beautiful you are if you saw yourself in the moments where you are truly your authentic self. ~Author Unknown~ (found on eattentiondeficitdisorder.tumblr.com)

Read Other Quote Collections:

Maya Angelou Tribute

Quotes of Love Compassion Kindness

Quotes for Wonderful Mothers

Meaning of Personal Success Quote Collection

Meaning of Life Inspirational Quote Collection

Edgar Cayce Quotes

Twenty Best Happiness Quotes

Smile Song Quotes

 

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Self Centered Maternal Narcissist

The self-centered maternal narcissist wants all sympathy directed at her. She could care less about how her children feel. Even worse than that, she is sadistic towards them. She delights in her ability to manipulate and upset her children. It is a form of entertainment for her. She is an emotional vampire who feeds off the pain she causes.
Her strength is in her children’s weaknesses. She stockpiles sensitive, injurious information about each child through careful observance and selective listening, and then uses it at a later time to hurt them.

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The Optimist Creed Promise Yourself

Image by SLGCKGC

affirmation469

Promise Yourself

The Optimist Creed

Written by Christian D. Larson

From the book Your Forces and How to Use Them

Promise yourself…

To be so strong that nothing
can disturb your peace of mind.
To talk health, happiness, and prosperity
to every person you meet.

(Promise Yourself…)

To make all your friends feel
that there is something in them
To look at the sunny side of everything
and make your optimism come true.

(Promise Yourself…)

To think only the best, to work only for the best,
and to expect only the best.
To be just as enthusiastic about the success of others
as you are about your own.

(Promise Yourself…)

To forget the mistakes of the past
and press on to the greater achievements of the future.
To wear a cheerful countenance at all times
and give every living creature you meet a smile.

(Promise Yourself…)

To give so much time to the improvement of yourself
that you have no time to criticize others.
To be too large for worry, too noble for anger, too strong for fear,
and too happy to permit the presence of trouble.

(Promise Yourself…)

To think well of yourself and to proclaim this fact to the world,
not in loud words but great deeds.
To live in faith that the whole world is on your side
so long as you are true to the best that is in you.”

Christian D. Larson (1874 – 1954)  was an American “New Thought” leader, teacher, writer, and prolific author of metaphysical and “New Thought” books. Many of Larson’s books remain in print today, nearly 100 years after they were first published. Larson’s book, Your Forces and How to Use Them, was adopted as Optimist International’s creed in 1922 and his Promise Yourself poem is used as a fundamental principle of “The Secret.”

More Affirmations:

Self Love and Acceptance Affirmation

Self Love Affirmation

Self Acceptance Quote

Positive Affirmation Picture Quote

Personal Bill of Rights

Thirty Healing Affirmations Help Daughters Challenges With Mother

Dr Wayne Dyer on Positive Thinking/Bedtime Ritual and Affirmations

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