Your healing begins once you recognize and acknowledge your codependent tendencies. This list from the website Night Vision for Women clearly illuminates the pain and self esteem issues of those tendencies:
- My good feelings about who I am stem from being liked by you.
- My good feelings about who I am stem from receiving approval from you
- Your struggle affects my serenity. My mental attention focuses on solving your problems/relieving your pain.
- My mental attention is focused on you.
- My mental attention is focused on protecting you.
- My mental attention is focused on manipulating you to do it my way.
- My self-esteem is bolstered by solving your problems.
- My self-esteem is bolstered by relieving your pain.
- My own hobbies/interests are put to one side. My time is spent sharing your hobbies/interests.
- I am not aware of how I feel. I am aware of how you feel.
- I am not aware of what I want – I ask what you want. I am not aware – I assume.
- The dreams I have for my future are linked to you.
- My fear of rejection determines what I say or do.
- My fear of your anger determines what I say or do.
- I use giving as a way of feeling safe in our relationship.
- My social circle diminishes as I involve myself with you.
- I put my values aside in order to connect with you.
- I value your opinion and way of doing things more than my own.
- The quality of my life is in relation to the quality of yours.
- A Codependent is extremely loyal even in the face of evidence that the loyalty is undeserved.
- Codependents are overly sensitive to their own as well as others’ feelings and tend to assume what other people are thinking or feeling.
- A Codependent falls in love with someone’s “potential” and believes that if they could only love that person enough, the object of their affection would become who they were “meant to be.”
I am available to talk about any life issues that are concerning you. Private, confidential. http://clarity.fm/randi-g-fine
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